There comes a moment in every parent’s life when they entrust their child to someone else’s care. That starts with a babysitter when they are young. Then the child goes off to kindergarten and progresses through the grades. As they grow older, children become increasingly involved in sports and clubs. Parents can’t be with their children at every waking moment. Sadly, it is those times when the children are not in the care of their parents that sexual abuse can happen.
It is every parent’s worst nightmare to discover that their child has been abused. As challenging as it is to think about these incidents, parents need to recognize the warning signs of abuse. If you recognize any of these signs, you will need to move onto a discussion with your child to ask them about sexual abuse. This will be a challenging conversation that has to be handled delicately. The following guidelines can help you with this critical conversation.
Creating a Safe Space
Before you have a conversation with your child around this topic, you need to create a safe space. You need to pick a time and place that is without distraction. It is also essential to have this conversation without your child’s attention being diverted.
You also want to consider the approach you’re going to take in terms of your vocabulary. For instance, instead of using the word “abuse,” you should use the word “safety.” Children are taught at a young age about all kinds of safety issues. They can understand the concept of safety as it relates to their body. You can define the difference between safe touching and unsafe touching. Safe touching can be a hug from a loved one, such as a mom or dad, before bed or when a doctor conducts an examination. Unsafe touching would be inappropriate fondling, tickling, or engaging in games that involve touching that makes the child feel uncomfortable.
Every parent needs to reinforce the idea that if a child ever experiences touching from another person that makes them feel unsafe or uncomfortable, they should come to them to share what happened.
Questions to Ask Your Child About Unsafe Touching
If you suspect something is going on, you need to ask your child open-ended questions that ease into the topic. You don’t want to lead your child or give them answers to agree with. You want your child to provide you with genuine answers that speak about their experiences.
You can start the conversation by asking about their day. That can lead to the following questions:
- Who did you come in contact with today?
- What were your interactions like with that person?
- How did that make you feel?
- Has that happened before?
This is how you can begin a general conversation about unsafe touching. Once the child expresses that there was an interaction with another person that made them feel uncomfortable. You can then steer the conversation to get into more specifics with variations of these questions:
- Have you ever been hurt by someone who was taking care of you?
- Has anyone touched you in a way that made you feel weird?
- Did anyone at the (insert activity or place) ever make you feel uncomfortable?
- Has anyone asked you to keep a secret from me?
The issue of keeping a secret is crucial when uncovering instances of abuse. It is very common for abusers to warn their victims to keep what happened between them a secret. They might even tell the child that you could be hurt if they told the secret. It is essential to reinforce the idea that the child will not get into trouble for sharing what happened.
Believe What Your Child Has to Say
Children can have very active imaginations, but that doesn’t make them liars. When it comes to sharing details of molestation, children don’t lie. They simply don’t have the capacity to come up with those types of stories. With an older child, the fear of not being believed might prevent them from coming forward. That is especially true if their molester is someone who is considered a trusted family friend.
You want to reassure your child that they can always come to you to share anything. They will never be in trouble for talking about what happened to them.
Remain Calm
If your child starts to describe an incident of molestation, you need to remain calm when you’re in conversation with them. You can show compassion and support, but you don’t want them to see your anger or pain. That might lead them to withdraw in order to spare your feelings. If you need to speak away from the conversation for a moment to collect your thoughts, that is fine. You could also bring it to an end and let your child know again that they did nothing wrong.
It is also important not to confront your child’s abuser directly. That is the type of situation that can escalate into a serious problem. The better approach is to report the incident to the proper authorities and let them handle the investigation.
What Actions to Take If Your Child Was Molested?
An incident of molestation is not something that should be ignored. This will be an area you might not be familiar with. Resources like the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) can provide valuable information and guidance on how to support your child.
After making a report to the police, there could be an arrest and possibly a trial. At this point, it is crucial to find legal representation to protect your family. Forbes Law Offices can offer support to a family. We would not take part in the criminal prosecution. That is something that will be handled by the State of West Virginia’s prosecutor’s office. We can become advocates for families and provide them with information about how the criminal prosecution will proceed.
We can also help with filing a civil complaint. There might be a situation where an organization with better screening procedures could have prevented molestation. You may be able to seek a remedy through a civil complaint against a school district, church, Little League organization, or any other entity.
As you go through this situation, you might feel overwhelmed with anger, pain, and disgust. It would help you to talk with a mental health professional as much as your child should speak with them. Holding all those responsible for the incident can provide a small measure of comfort.
You can find out about your options in your first initial consultation. That talk is free and confidential. Call to schedule that talk today. You don’t have to go through this alone.
